…so i’m on the toilet this morning and i’m wondering if this is me peeing sitting down or a preface to [explosive diarrhea] then i read on my phone “what if Taylor Swift and Adele dated and then broke up” and then it all came out. tmi?
Sometimes I check-in to shows on Getglue, but I don’t post the check-in to Facebook, Tumblr, or Twitter because I don’t want to be judged for my guilty pleasure tv shows….then Getfuckingglue posts a big stupid sticker on my behalf! WTF
Why is Jim Gaffigan always set as my default Pandora station? I always want to listen to music, but when I go to Pandora, there’s Jim…being all funny, relatable, and wonderful.
Why do haircuts feel so good? It almost makes me wanna be bald.
Dear 7-Eleven, how about getting some fucking jelly packets for these dry ass sausage biscuits!?